Lost In Limbo
by starglow71
Summary: AU. Sam is suffering from his broken wall and Dean can't seem to get past how chummy Lucifer and he are getting, not too mention, Sam is seeing two Deans most of the time. Can he find the real one or will Dean lose Sam forever? Wincest and other stuff!


**Warning:**** Yes, this is Wincest and smutty, you know me, smut is fun to write and I do it frequently. I got a perverted muse, sorry. Some, well, a lot of PWP and sexual graphic scenes and language in this one. I used the **_**really**_** good words in this one, lol! Some family and schmoop, too. I deal with several familiar issues of theirs in this one, too.**

So don't read if you don't like Wincest because, trust me, this one is mostly Wincest.

I don't intend to offend but merely feed other's Wincest addictions too, those deprived little souls like me, lol!

**Plot:** Sam's wall is broke and he is breaking from it. Can Dean help him? Or will he lose Sam to Hell for good this time?

Not to mention how _chummy_ he and Lucifer have gotten lately.

How many heart–to-hearts with Lucifer will it take before Dean loses Sam for good?

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

In the dark of the cabin, silence hung like the garland did, along the walls and the stairs, in the corners, and, like that garland, it was strung tight. It was everywhere.

"How is he?" Bobby asked, worried. Sam was out of it, dazed. Sometimes lucid. Acted that way at least. Still saw Lucifer though, carried on full blown, heart to hearts with the figment actually. They didn't mind that part so much as when Sam's end of the conversation got quiet and his eyes got fixed intently to one spot. It meant Lucifer was _talking_. It meant Sam was _listening_. It meant they were _losing_ Sam.

It did no good to lie to themselves that he'd pull out of this soon. It did no good to say he was more lucid and present than not. Both were lies that no one in the cabin could bring themselves to believe, not really. Sure, they spoke them, but, deep down, no one really believed them. It just made them feel better to think they did. A lie they could handle; the lie that kept them from giving up hope.

Like now.

"Out of it. Lucifer and he are chatty again." Dean said and sat on the couch, babying the leg with the cast and praying for pain pills, really good ones. Oh, and for Lucifer to shut the _hell_ up.

Not that the figment of his brother's broken psyche would. No, that would have been a mercy and, as they all knew, the figment of Lucifer had none, just like the angel dick himself.

"No, No. Don't. I can't say that." Sam said, and Dean's ears perked up. Lucifer was being Dean again, awesome. He wondered bitterly what he was wearing in this delusion. He listened for signs that Sam was being hurt by "him". "It would be a lie if I did."

A lie? What would be a lie? Dean wondered.

Silence. Lucifer talking to Sam. Dean wished he could know what the bastard was saying.

He suddenly found lips on his. Soft ones. Lips he thought never to feel again.

Hazel eyes on his.

Damn, Sam was confused between Lucifer him and the real him again. When this happened, Sam couldn't tell one from the other.

"Gotta go, Bobby. I have to go monitor Sam now. I don't like this." Dean said softly. Worry filling him again.

"All right, son, hang in there. I'll be back in a day or two." Bobby said. He was on a case, one that had come up suddenly. He hadn't wanted to go but he owed the guy one, so he had went. Dean had said they'd be fine. Bobby left them to it.

Now Dean wasn't so sure.

"Yes, I still love you. Never said I didn't." He said looking at Dean, but not really seeing or hearing Dean. Not the real one at least. He paused to listen and Dean spoke up, trying to break the trance Sam was in. A tactic that _never_ worked. Sam leaned in and kissed him again, moaning softly, Dean unable to resist kissing back a little before finding the strength to stop. That relationship had stopped as soon as Cas had broken Sam's wall. It didn't seem prudent to push something like that onto a broken man, even one you loved with all your heart, who loved you that way still. Dean knew this, cherished it, but knew it couldn't be dealt with until Lucifer had left the building.

"Sam, it's me. It's the _real_ me. We have to stop this, baby. You're not seeing me. I'm _not_ Lucifer. He's lying to you again." Dean said sadly, and saw it, a flicker. A flicker in those hazel eyes. A barely seen, barely noticeable flicker. A flicker of his Sammy. Hope hit his heart at that. Sam was there, listening. But now he was listening to them both. Okay, _not_ an improvement.

Sam kissed his neck now, along the line where it arched for him. Dean's body responding to the touch, it had been months since they had touched and clearly his body was a whore for it. Dean worked for control of the situation but Sam had his leg pinned. He wasn't going anywhere.

"Love you? Of course, I do. Needed this, needed you." Sam said softly, voice tender with love and desire.

Dean got hard from that emotion in his lover's voice but felt dirty doing it. Sam was straddling his lap now, his groin rubbing into Dean's and soft moans were escaping them both. Dean's crotch rubbing up into his, seeking that familiar friction. Once found, it made their heads go back from how good it felt to feel it again. "Sam…" he moaned, hands trying to push Sam off gently but only managing to pull him tighter into his crotch so he could rub into the man harder now. "We have to stop…Not Lucifer…It's me, Dean."

A flicker again, Dean rejoiced; Sam was seeing him, but unable to process it. _Not_ great.

Sam got off his lap and Dean breathed a sigh of relief. For five seconds, then Sam was back. He was working Dean's belt and cutting the fabric of his pant leg with the cast on it off all the way up to the waist and peeling it off him like peeling paint in the rain. Then he was working his brother's pants off, whether Dean liked it or not. Soon his pants were just cut fabric on the floor. Sam's had joined them, Sam's shirt by them now too.

Dean stared at that god body of Sam's and moaned, desire hitting him again. He'd been careful to avoid seeing the man naked for this precise reason. Sam's body was his aphrodisiac and it drove him mad with desire to see it so close, like it always used to. He was hard to point of pain now. And Sam still thought he was 'Lucifer' Dean. "Sam…not Lucifer, it's me, Dean. You're not seeing me. Please, baby. See me at least, please!"

"See you, baby, so beautiful. My muscled Adonis. Love you only." Sam said, kissing him again, hand stroking his dick, hard and with a twist at the top, the way he knew Dean liked it. He liked what followed, too. "Let me fuck you, please, Baby, been so long…" Sam whimpered softly, pleading into his green eyes. "I see you, kind of. Love you. Losing it…damn it! He's talking again…Talk to me, kiss me, please! Do something…" Sam trailed off and flickered out of his hazel eyes again. Dean hated to know he was losing to Lucifer…again. Just like all the other damn times the bastard got to his brother, his lover, their secret relationship strained to the point of awkward pauses and avoiding eye contact if at all possible. No more cuddling or lovemaking. No more kisses good morning and speaking of morning, no more morning sex, or shower sex. No more sex, no more kissing, just fixing Sam and saving him from shattering into the million pieces that 'Lucifer' seems set on breaking him into. At least, _mentally._

Not that those urges didn't hit them. He'd heard Sam release in the shower, shouting Dean's name. He'd rubbed out more than a few himself. Sam sometimes stared at Dean's lips for hours, Dean could tell he wanted to kiss them. Hell, Dean stared at Sam's lips, too. Their eyes swept the others bodies at times, too. Need thrumming through them. Hence, the awkward silences and shifting eyes, this led to no good.

But not what Sam was doing now, sucking his dick, hard and using that tongue the way he liked best. Fingers went to his mouth, and Dean sucked them wet, knowing he shouldn't, but not able to say no. "Sam, It's me. Dean. Say you know it's me before we do this." Dean gasped out, in between the moans of want and need escaping his lips now, hips thrusting up and fingers gripping hair, not pushing off like they should, but pushing Sam deeper down onto his dick. "Fuck, Sam! Say you know it's me! Please!"

He felt the fingers work him open and moaned louder, eyes closing, Dean's body arching into them in seconds. Not even the burn present now, their need was too great. "Sam…so good…please…not if you think I'm him, not 'Lucifer' me. 'Real' me, need you inside me…not thinking of him…think of …oh, Baby!...fuck yeah, there, do that again…yeah! Don't stop, please…I'm _Dean_…not that figment. Please see me?" Dean was losing the battle with his body now.

Sam took his casted leg and carefully held it and put the other over his shoulder. His large hard dick was lubed up with precum and spit already and pressed against Dean's hole, so ready for it, Dean writhing on the edge of the couch, moving his ass closer so Sam could fuck him easier.

"Do you see me, Sammy? Please say you see me!" Dean pleaded and cried out in pleasure, head going back in that sexy way Sam liked to see it do. He moaned louder now and damn if he couldn't bring himself to make Sam stop as he thrust in deep and stopped. Dean looked up to see the most wonderful smile on his brother lover's face, the familiar one he hadn't seen in months. Sam shined out of those eyes now. Dean's heart skipped a beat or two. His body clenched in deeper pleasure to think his Sammy was seeing only him, making love to only him, not 'Lucifer' him!

"I see you, Dean. I only ever see you. Love you too much _not_ to see you." Sam said going for a kiss but stopping over the petal like lips, lips he hadn't kissed for months, attached to eyes that hadn't met his for months, a body beneath his, a body his hands and lips touched now, that hadn't been touched by each other for months. "But now…I feel you, too. Feel you under me again. _Not_ Lucifer. Only seeing you, only feeling you, baby. For now."

"Then fuck me before he returns, Sammy. I want you to know it's me when you touch me." Dean moaned softly, hands gripping the couch cushions for stability while Sam took him harder now, bodies arching together, Sam's hands touching his body all over, stroking his dick to match his thrusts now. Sam kissed him hard and deep, seeking entrance to his lover's mouth and tangling, sucking tongues as they fucked desperately fast now, both breathing hard and breaths catching as their orgasm came closer.

Hot moans and cries of pleasure flowed from both men now, slapping flesh and loving, among not so loving words, that also came from them as well. "So good...Sammy…don't stop! Fuck me, just fuck me! …so close…gonna…damn…gonna cum, baby…so hard…been so long…never want you to stop fucking me…want you to ride my dick…wanna fuck you, too. Please…cum…let me cum!" Dean moaned out at intervals.

"Yes, need you…gonna fuck you for hours now…ride you so good…love that dick, baby…so good inside me…yeah, baby…want you to fuck me, too…yeah…damn baby…so close…ready?...gonna cum." Sam moaned out as well.

"Yes, damn love that huge dick inside me…fucking me again!...makes me wanna…feel so full of you, Sammy…stretching my ass that way…ready…cumming…I'm cumming…" Dean moaned louder and both men arched painfully into each other and fucked so fast they lost all thought but one…

"Cum with me, Dean…just cum!" Sam screamed and gripped his lover's dick tight, pulling it painfully hard…twice. Then they both came harder than they had cum in a very long time. They couldn't move for a minute. They saw spots in front of their eyes and they were panting like they couldn't find the air to breath. Sam stared down at lover, finally _his_ lover again. Not Lucifer pretending to be him but _really_ him! He loved Dean and it hurt when they'd stopped making love, but he had known why, so he hadn't pushed.

This was why, Dean needed him to know it was the real him, not the 'Lucifer' version. That would have been like cheating on each other to have sex that way. No one got to make love or fuck them, or get taken by them, but each other; and that included a figment of his brother lover's _very_ broken mind, too!

"You still seeing me, baby?" Dean asked uncertainly and Sam leaned in and kissed him, nodding happily. He could hear Lucifer starting to whisper again. He had stopped when Sam had touched Dean physically, the joy of touching Dean driving Lucifer to nothing but a transparent whisper that one had to strain to hear and then would not hear either; he was too far away to hear it when he touched Dean.

"Yes, just listening. I can't hear him, can barely see him now." Sam said happily, softly. His hazel eyes stared down into Dean's with love, "When I touch you, like this or just touch you in any way, but mostly this way, with love and all we feel for each other flowing so naturally between us, I don't hear him. I don't feel him, and I definitely don't see him. I only _see_ you, Dean. _My_ Dean. I've only _ever_ only saw you, since I was sixteen and we made love that first time. It's only _ever_ been you."

"Then let's not waste this moment. Help me to the room. I want to be inside you, too, baby." Dean said smiling softly. Sam carried him to the room and laid him gently onto the bed, grabbing the gun oil from the nightstand. He sucked Dean hard and then used the oil to lube his own ass, working it open and ready, then doing the same for Dean's dick. When they were moaning for more and ready to burst from it all, he straddled the man and pushed down onto his dick until Dean was fully into his ass now.

"Fuck me, Dean. Fuck me…need to feel you fuck my ass and make me yours again…please fuck me!" Sam pleaded and soon was rocking his hips, twisting a little, and bobbing his tight ass onto that dick he hadn't dared hope to feel inside him again…ever. "So good…love you inside me…drives Lucifer away…please don't stop…fuck me.." Sam moaned sexily, head back as his pleasure spiral through him, wiping away all control in the process.

"Mine!…fucking your ass…ride that dick, baby…fucking you all night, Sam…want to wear out that sweet ass of yours…so tight…never stopping…damn!...Ride me faster!" Dean growled and moaned, and Sam did just that and they were soon cumming hard and screaming and arching beautifully together. They collapse into each other's arms, hands softly touching each other's bodies, as if getting to know unfamiliar terrain, but knowing it wasn't. Lucifer had taken this from them; Cas had taken this from them. They had _missed _this and now that they had it again, they never wanted to lose it again either.

Sam crawled up the stare down at Dean again, eyes full of Sam, not Lucifer at all. Dean's heart sighed happily at that fact. Lucifer didn't touch what they had together, not when they were really connecting again, like now. Sam leaned into that neck and smiled. Biting a part that could not be hidden by shirts, where everyone could see it and would for days. He resolved to keep putting the mark there whenever it healed. Marking Dean as his, and his alone! He sucked and nipped the spot until it glowed dark red against that olive skin. "You'll have to put that back soon. It will heal up, you know that, right?" Dean teased, liking the feeling the mark gave him, owned, owned by Sam. Again.

He pulled Sam's neck to his and did the same, sucking a dark red bruise against his olive skin as well. He stroked that mark possessively and smiled. "I'll put yours back, too. When it heals, of course, or begins to fade as well. Can't let people _not_ see it, now can we?" Sam chuckled and then kissed him softly, their body fluids crusting on their skins. Sam got up and helped Dean up as well, letting him lean heavily into him, being careful of his casts.

"How about a sponge bath, Dean? I give a _mean_ sponge bath." Sam offered and propped his brother's casts so the water wouldn't reach them. Then he ran some water and sat in the tub with him, kneeling and washing the man off gently, kissing each other as they did went, taking their time. Then Dean was helped to the toilet seat and Sam showered, Dean peeked in at him as he washed himself and smiled, getting hard already, that glistening body with water running down it in rivulets, white suds sliding along those muscles, along that gorgeously huge dick and along that perfect ass he wanted to be inside of again.

"Sammy, come here." Dean said and Sam peeked out and saw Dean so hard for him. He grabbed the body wash and came to his brother who leaned back and stroked that hard dick of his suggestively now. "Ride my dick, lover. Want to be inside that perfect ass again."

Sam's breath caught as desire took him again, took them. He quickly lubed up and sheathed himself onto the man, and Dean grabbed Sam's hips hard enough to bruise and they made love this time, slower and less rushed. Almost an hour later and several hard strokes to Sam's massive dick, they both came with cries and shouting each other's names. Then Sam wiped Dean off and showered again, and they headed to the bedroom, where he made love to Dean, tenderly, taking his time to please him completely, his dick filling Dean's taut ass so perfecting over and over. Until they were spent from making love to and fucking each other again.

Some time later, Sam sighed happily and curled into his brother lover's body, smiling in a smug way.

"What? Why are you smiling that way? Was I that good?" Dean teased lightly and said softly, "Because I know you were. You were amazing, Sammy, loved what we just did. Love you, Sammy, mostly just love you so much it hurt to lose you to a figment, baby."

"You could never lose me, especially to a _not_ real ass like him. And yes, you were that good, so damn fantastic this time. Love the ache of knowing we just did this, I will feel it all day tomorrow. I like that part." Sam chuckled again, looked past Dean to the side of the bed.

"What?" Dean had to ask, getting worried. Lucifer. Lucifer was back.

"He says we're incestuous bastards. Says we're going to Hell." Sam grinned and stuck out a tongue to his figment and Dean chuckled now.

"Yes, we are." Dean shrugged and kissed his lover now, sighing happily, tired but happy. "But together, right?" His green eyes met sparking hazel ones, Sam smiled now, too.

"Yes, together." Sam reassured him and laid his head against his lover's heart. "Keep the nightmares away, baby, will you do that for me? I forget Hell when I'm with you this way. Keep Hell from getting me again, please?"

Dean nodded and pulled him tightly into his neck. "I can do that, baby, I can do that." Dean said sleepily, and sighed, "Sleep, Sammy, I'm not going anywhere."

And the piece that Lucifer had slipped into Sam's soul, that he hadn't known Lucifer had done, began to glare as he found himself locked out of Sam's soul now, powerless to join with it to torture the man the way used to. Their souls were joined again and had pushed him out. Lucifer's piece felt itself losing its powers now, and becoming something else. It howled loudly and cursed them hatefully. Sam smiled in his sleep, hearing these sounds from that piece, definitely _not_ a figment but a very real piece of Lucifer's Grace he's planted to claim Sam later. He needed that claim in the man to claim his vessel when he got out again. Without it, all rights to Sam as his vessel were null and void.

Lucifer's piece soon felt weak and growled as it figured out the truth of what they had done to it.

He was no longer a piece of Lucifer's own Grace.

He was now just what he'd pretended to be all along.

He was just a figment of Sam's Hell memories and, therefore, now worth ignoring, along with those memories.

He glared at them and felt himself fade, joining the other figments in Sam' mind now.

Sam smiled again, snuggling closer to Dean. Whose presence swept the cobwebs that cluttered his breaking mind, healing it a little at a time. Dean smiled as well and felt his heart swell with happiness once more and not feeling the ache or loneliness left when he had given up Sam this way.

They slept peacefully through the night and woke feeling better than they had in months.

Xxxxxxxxxx

They spent the next day together, touching and kissing, arms encircling each other's waists at odd times, savoring the feel of being lovers again; of somehow being freer of 'Lucifer' now. Sam let Dean know his figment was following them around, even speaking at times, but not as Dean anymore, as Nick mostly now, sometimes of people they'd lost over the years, saying he was sick, that they were sick to be together this way now. They ignored the figments and did it anyway.

They made love again, too. And whittled away the day this way.

Bobby came back that night and saw Sam was better. He was more alert and not, most definitely _not_, having conversations or flashbacks for now. Bobby was happy. Sam was happy.

Then Sam stared up at the ceiling at one point and had looked terrified and Bobby looked scared. Dean came in and kissed Sam in a most _not_ brotherly way, until they moaned and Bobby cringed in surprise. Then Sam looked up and …smiled. No longer seeing what he had seen before apparently. "Not _real_, Sammy, I'm real, remember? Not them, not him. Me and Bobby. Love you, baby!"

Sam had responded with, "I know. Not real, just you guys. They don't touch how I feel about you, about Bobby. I love you, too, Dean." Then they both had looked at each other with such love it made Bobby's disapproving mind and heart melt and he felt happy for them, for him, too. It didn't matter what had changed here; he would love them anyway. Not say a word against it and now he couldn't find a word in him to say against it. Didn't even see the _wrongness_ of it anymore. "Love you, too, Bobby. You're my Dad, you know. His, too. Still love us this way? Not leaving us, right?"

Bobby heard the love in that voice and the fear too. Fear of being rejected by him, the only father they had known for years, even before their own had died. He wouldn't do that to the boy, to either of them; they were going through enough as it was.

"Love you, too, Sam, Dean, too. Still love you, don't care if you're lovers now or whatever you choose to be. Just want you better, happy again. If this gets you there, then I say it's fine with me. Not leaving you, not of my own free will, promise." Bobby promised and saw Sam's eyes go wide again, flicking around Bobby now. "What's wrong? What are you seeing?" He knew the look but saw it was fading fast as Dean ran fingers through Sam's hair calmingly now.

"Fire, you're on fire, we're on fire; It's all around the room now but it's not burning us or the furniture, transparent flames now, getting lighter as we speak. I can hear him say I'm going to burn in Hell again for this, what we have, Dean and I. Ignoring Nick. He'll shut up soon, he always does." Sam's eyes were refocusing now and soon were clear and lucid, except for a sideways glance to the fireplace at times; the barest of looks really, not serious enough to worry about. They all knew what he was seeing anyway.

"Better, gone now?" Bobby asked softly and Sam nodded happily, returning to making his hex box again. Dean went to help with supper and Bobby followed him into the kitchen, smiling in relief.

Dinner was good but the best part was having Sam back and nothing touched that joy, _nothing_.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Weeks later, they sat in a little room and argued.

"Do you trust me?" Sam said and growled as he saw the look. The 'of course, I do.' Look.

"It's not that. I know she'll kill again. Kids get sick, Sam! You did, frequently!" Dean fairly shouted and Sam had to admit he had a point, it was a kid thing; you got sick a lot. "She kills to make him better. He needs that stuff to live! She'll kill again, she'll have to!"

They had been arguing for an hour now.

And Sam was already tired of it.

Dean, too.

"You going to kill her now?" Sam asked as Dean put the knife in his sheath.

"Yes. Come with me." Dean said and sighed, "I don't want you to hate me for this, Sammy."

Sam stood considering this and sighed as well, holding out a hand for a knife, too. "Well, let's go. You're right, we have to." Dean looked at him sadly. He knew what it cost Sam to admit this, even to himself. He hated when the man had to do this, would have done almost anything for him not to have to.

"We have to do the kid, too, Sam. He'll kill us later if we don't. You know that, right?" Dean asked, "You can stay here, I'll take care of this." He said gently, knowing this would hurt Sam if he did this.

"I know, let's go." Sam said, sheathing his knife as well.

They soon were at her room and Sam approached her with sad eyes, regret written on his face. "I _won't _do it again. No more! I had to! To save my son!" She cried and he felt his heart soften and his resolve slip, but not give. He would do this; she would do it again, she'd have to.

"He gets sick when he doesn't feed for a while, doesn't he?" Sam asked palming the knife, holding it firmly out now.

"Yes but…" She stuttered and nodded, it was true.

"You will have to get more for him soon, won't you? That means killing again, you know that." Sam said and she cried, but nodded again. Hating the truth that had always doomed her…and him.

Her…a monster who dared to love him.

Him…the Hunter doomed to kill her someday, he'd have to; he'd have no choice.

They both knew this and cried a little, nodding.

"I love you, Sam." She said and he nodded sadly, stabbing the blade into her heart, watching her die before him, and crying, her eyes were monster eyes now, he saw it and cried. Dean had been right; they'd had no choice here really. Didn't make it easier to do though.

He turned to see Dean drive a knife into the kid, watching him burn up from the inside. Saw the monster eyes appear and him partially transform in Dean's arms as he died. Dean carried the boy and laid him by his mother, and they both cried for that doomed little family, so like their own.

"I'm sorry, Sammy. I never…Damn!" Dean swore sheathing the cleaned off blade now and Sam did, too. "Some days I hate our jobs, Sam, I really do. If I could have let her go, I would have, honest, baby." He looked at Sam, now with worry, eyes searching to see if he hated him now. "Forgive me, still love me?"

"Nothing to forgive and yes, I still love you. I know we couldn't have prevented this. I was doomed to do this from the start, saving her and her saving me never changes that; just made it hurt more. Now she's just another form my figments can take, I hate that part more. I'll always wish I could have done something different here, you know that, right?" Sam asked and Dean nodded. He had all kinds of those regrets too. Every Hunter did, except the crazy ones. The crazy ones were blessedly free of these. Hunters dealt with these regrets with nightmares and waking in cold sweats while wanting to scream. Sam dealt with them by creating taunting and talking figments of them. Dean and Sam couldn't decide which was worse.

"I know, but we'll deal with this together, like we always do, Sammy." Dean said and removed all proof he had even been there, Sam helping. Then they left and headed back to the cabin and Bobby, Sam cuddling into Dean's side, for comfort and because it was his favorite place to be in the world.

The world could spin off its axis and Sam would still never prefer any place but with Dean.

They sighed sadly and shared their pain wordlessly. Sam kissed Dean's tear streaked face, wiping the tears away. Dean kissed his, removing his as well. Yes, this was a more painful regret but it was also not a new feeling either. They had plenty of these between them, had been there for years really. They'd learn to live with this one, too.

"Love you, Sammy." Dean said, holding Sam tighter to his side, the road unfolding before the black perfection that was his Impala, his other Baby.

"Love you, too, Dean." Sam said laying his head in the crook of Dean's shoulder, watching the road and needing Dean so much in this moment, to be close to him this way.

They were headed to Bobby.

But yet they were already _Home_.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx


End file.
